My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's official drugs can't kill me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize