Kiss
Puke
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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