dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
