You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
