i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
