:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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