Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
