A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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