I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
