i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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