he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
