Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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