I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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