I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
