So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
