"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
