she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
