Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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