): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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