i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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