There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
