apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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