i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
