It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
