The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
