I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
