if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
