Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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