I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
