Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
