Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
