I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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