I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
