dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
