Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I love you.
Bad choice
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
