it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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