You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
