idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
babies were throwing up all over the place
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
