Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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