I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
