I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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