Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
