So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
