You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
