Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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