i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
