We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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