I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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