Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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