Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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