I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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