Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
