I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
