The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
