Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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