wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
