dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
