the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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