What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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