Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
