he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
They have beer where we have blood.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
