she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
