Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
