She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
