I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
