I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
