I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
