Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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