mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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