either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
