And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I supernannyed him into submission
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
