i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
