he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
